YFriday, October 06, 2006
i've never felt like this before. maybe you really impacted me. whenever i think about what had happened, i feel so lost. maybe i should have taken you seriously. now, i lost what i could not even hold on to. is it my fault? what did i do wrong? you would not tell me anything and you expect everything to just end by itself? why? you said it was not possible but now you are doing it. you lied. but why? you know i hate liars. but this time, i just cannot bring myself to hate you. can someone just tell me what is going on with me!?
i feel so lost so lonely so hurt. if only you knew what i was going through. i need an explanation before i can close this chapter. i'm sorry for everything. can you just tell me what happened in the past few months? i don't even know why you are putting all the blame for everything unto me. am i just your punching bag?
have you forgotten your promise? what you said really meant nothing to you? but why? months ago you sounded so serious about it and despite everything you still said you mean it. but now? everything is shattered. even though i said i'll move on, but i still can't stop thinking about everything. i can't do it. you did it. you made me change. because of you, i no longer believe anyone. every of their words feel so emotionless.
at times, i just hope you will find this blog and read this post. but i know it is impossible. i just want you to know how i feel. but i guess you have moved on so i'll just have to forget about everything and carry on with life. good luck with life. hope you will get what you want. if i happen to see you again, i will not be how i am now. i will not let you see the tears.
P.S. don't ask me anything about this. i am really not in a good mood. i'm still crying. "can't stop the rain by cascada" fits my mood.
tHeSe ScArS wiLL nEvEr hEaL. bLoOd dRiPpEd At