YMonday, January 01, 2007
have i made another mistake? i feel so wrong. something is just telling me that it is just not right. after the other incident, i no longer want to regret. but i think i just started regretting. i don't want things to happen this way but if i gave you too much hope then in the end it will still be like that won't it? maybe i should have kept everything from you? maybe i should have left everything the way it was? i don't know now. i am so confused. rose said that i am not heartless. if only i have the courage to say everything out. if i had said them earlier, things wouldn't turn out this way would it?
i don't want to do all these. really. but if i drag it longer, i really don't know what will be of the consequences. i did miss you. for a while. after you told me to leave you to settle your stuffs, i felt thought about it and felt that it was really useless because why should i miss someone who is always not there? absence makes the heart fonder? maybe it's true. but in this case your absence made me think through many things and i realised that we are really too far apart. in my past entries, it can also be seen. a part of me really hope that you will change but somehow or other, even if you change, i won't be able to like you because by then you will be changing because i don't like it but not because you think you should change.
i feel so weird. it's not like me to turn someone down like that. i just feel that you are not serious about me. you don't bother to take the initiative to find out things. seriously, how much do you know about me? also, i know nothing about you. how can i like someone i know nothing of? i just want to start this year differently. hui xin told me that i shouldn't mess with guys. at first i didn't take it seriously but now i think that it's really time for me to be serious about these kind of things. relationships will be on a different level for me. i will no longer play. this i will promise.
however, if anyone hurts me, i will still take my revenge. i am tired of being toyed with. i want security. i want someone's shoulder to lean on. people are always telling me when you need me i'll be there for you but how many of them are really there for me? don't say i like you for nothing. when you say it, i expect you to be responsible for your words. and stop liking me for no reason. if you just like me because you like me, then why don't you like someone else who can be found on the street? even liking me for me is also a reason. so if you can like me for no reason, i suggest you like someone else. i need security and tlc. not some nonsense sweet talking. also, not all my words are serious. i mean who will really mean it seriously and say yar get me something for my birthday. obviously i will say don't get me anything. don't be silly enough to when a girl says don't get me anything and you really not get her anything.
tHeSe ScArS wiLL nEvEr hEaL. bLoOd dRiPpEd At