YTuesday, January 02, 2007
i really don't know what spurred me to do what i did yesterday. i thought of it through the whole night. it seems like i was unable to find out an answer. all i realised was that even if he were to change totally, i will still not like him. it's too difficult to like a perfect person. maybe i have been living in fantasy for too long a time. i guess it's time to step out of my dreams and start facing reality. but before that, i think i still have many problems to solve.
i really don't know what to do now. all i can do is to occupy my mind with something else. i think today will be a very packed day for me.
if things had to turn out this way, i rather take back everything. turn the clock around and make sure that none of these had happened. but i can't. well, now all i can do is to regret again. i think things had never been so serious till this morning. the nightmare was horrible. i dreamt that he quoted words from this blog and just told me off. in respond to everything he said, all i did was to walk off, catch a movie and ate ice-cream. maybe i did cheer up after that but i don't know. i woke up in tears after seeing the ice-cream. i guess i was too stunned. i didn't expect this to happen. all i wanted was for you to give up but now i guess i no longer want anything. or rather, i can't have anything. this wasn't the result i had in mind. i thought you weren't serious. now i guess i have nothing to say except to hope that time will really heal everything.
tHeSe ScArS wiLL nEvEr hEaL. bLoOd dRiPpEd At