YTuesday, February 27, 2007
xiao zhu... u mus hv died waiting fer mi rite... oops. =P
im dying... de daes r gettin longer and more borin... w/o work is lyk so sian... at least wen i work got ppl to joke wif n tok to... now den hv... spend daes shopping agn as usual... my new job is to buy clothes... gonna get a new wardrobe... haha... LoL. aniwae... i decided to b a tutor??? dun think i can make it though... but i ask my piano teacher see how loh... haiz... i still cant believe i turn down de ad company... haiz... wat was i thinkin... sobx.
im goin out agn! wow. meetin nic at 1400... nid to hurry... argh!!!
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YFriday, February 09, 2007
i think im crazy. when i got my results, i cried. wow. another melodrama scene. LoL. im still kinda sad though. whenever i think of the results, i still want to cry... the big news is that jezer got 7!!! wat de... i hate him. really. and his sch's top scorer is wif 7 a1s... crazy sia...
xiao zhu, u noe wat... i kind of didnt expect him to wish me luck... when he msg me i was like shocked... didnt thot he will msg me... n wen he cal i was lyk ' did de wrong name appear on my fone?' sounds lyk im bad but i dun mean it dat wae la... mayb i reali lyk him... mayb... haiz. but it seems lyk he... i dunno... rah! dun wanna tok bout dis thin le la... let tym speak fer itself. 2 thins... valentines and my bdae... if... den i'll noe... so yar... haha. =P i think i reali miss him... loads. weird. so not lyk mi... i realise i easily contented... mayb absence reali will make de heart fonder? haha. weird. O.o
main thin, im still sad. nid lots of ice-cream... haiz. i want ice-cream. i only had veri little... mayb 1 scoop and 1 cone... argh... tml afta work mus go buy summore... argh... sad sad sad... still sad. hugs anione??? i nid dem... loads... bleah.
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YTuesday, February 06, 2007
im sick. physically and mentally. i think this work is like so whatever. i work from 1000 to 1730 only and i am like that. argh. i think i should really eat and drink water. maybe because i never eat the whole day and only drunk two sips of water ba. dotz. if only i have someone to remind me to eat and drink. someone to pamper me... haha. rah! i miss you... a lot... really. argh... great. i am not going to eat dinner even. i have no appitite. hope i dont really fall sick tml. still have to work sia.
you know what? i decided to give this blog a name. erm... i think it will be called 'xiao zhu' ba... haha. it's decided. you will be called xiao zhu. =)
i wish things could be like before. with you. to be held in your arms. though i get a little irritated at times, i feel so lost without you now. like a part of me is missing. i rather you talk to me... is a little thing really able to affect everything that much? how much do i mean to you? aiyah. i shouldn't rant so much. maybe i should just forget that everything happened. take everything as a dream? but when i pass the places we went before i will still stop to think. i never since then sat with nic at the walkway between the lifts. she would sit and i stand. to think of everything is too heart-breaking for me. i should heal the wounds and not hurt them deeper.
the tv should stop talking about valentines. i am so not interested. being alone. wow. thanks sia. nevermind. i think i should be used to it. sometimes i wonder when will i get a ring on valentines. i think that will have to wait till i am attached. long way ba... haha. maybe my tiao jian really too high. LoL. i think im starting to be emo le. better stop the rubbish. my headache and bodyache is killing me. argh!
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YMonday, February 05, 2007
ok. fine. everything is my fault. it's over right. ok. i mean what can i do right. accept it loh. -.-
hmmm... erm... will the old me do? wow. a bad way to start feb right? all i want for my birthday is you! yeah! lalala. i watch too much tv. haha. actually no link la. i just suddenly feel like saying this.
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argh! i hate you can. is like i thought you were serious. if not i wouldn't even have ever liked you. but what happen? things turn out to be that you are just another insensitive jerk. am i really a toy that everyone has to do this to me? fine. i know it's my fault that i make everyone wait for at least 6 months. but has anyone ever thought about why did i do those things? everytime it's the same over and over again. why can't things be different for a change? when i really thought that you are serious i decided to give it a shot. but then. well, this time round the only difference is that i did not expect this outcome. i am shocked, stunned and speechless. i don't know where to start. argh! IDIOT! is it me again or is it really that every guy who likes me is a jerk? why is it that everytime i decide to like someone, it has to be that the person will go MIA or suddenly emotionless or have a girlfriend or even tell me that he likes this certain girl and he does not know what to do. i think it will be a long time before i will ever like anyone again. i think the old me is back. wow. great. my friends will suffer again? LoL. sorry guys. =P
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lalala. happy birthday my dear. coming le right. too bad cant wish you personally. bleah. =P u ah... turning 20 le loh... so old le... better know what to do and what not to do ah... don't let history repeat itself. oops. i think i talked too much le. =x
i am super sad can. rah! i don't know what's with me. felt like i just wasted weeks of my life on some liar. argh! now i know why do i hate people instead of loving them. i really don't feel like talking to you anymore. i feel so hurt. so alone. you blew off the light from my candle and now i can't see anything. i am lost in darkness and back in the land of lonliness again. LoL. what's with the emo melodrama drama? haha. why should i be so emo right. is not like this is the first time. i am not going to like anyone anymore. is like the last time, the same thing happened. guys are like so cowardly. why avoid someone just because you are unable to handle your emotions? it seems like i lost all my support this time.
recently i have been staring into space and feeling so lost. i don't even know why i am doing all these. not going to work really brings my mind back to all these things. i don't like to be alone and spend meaningless days all by my own waiting for time to past. the scars are getting more obvious by the day. sometimes i wonder if can the scars ever be gone. everytime i look at them, i remember once that someone ever told me " if that is really the case i will just die. without you is really nothing. i will really slit. " at first i thought it was a joke but after fifteen minutes there was no respond. and i tried calling for at least 20 times. on the last try the person answered and said " don't worry. i won't die. a little slit won't kill me. this was the only way for me to hear you. at least i know you care. everything is worth it. " and he went all quiet. but thank God that the person didn't die. or i will be blaming myself now.
sometimes i really wonder if i need to end up in the hospital before you really care. everyone siad that i was foolish enough to like you. i don't know. maybe they are right maybe they are wrong. but after all that i felt and all that happened, i realised that i am foolish to fall for you. maybe this was all a lie right from the very beginning. maybe i was right right from the start. we are too different and that things can never be.
i realised that kisses at different places means different things. goodnight kisses are on foreheads, goodbyes are on cheeks, serious i love yous are on lips. LOL. wow. these things should not be said by me. should be said by someone who kissed. =x oops. bleah. HAHAHA! ROFL.
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YSunday, February 04, 2007
i so hate you. just shut up. this always happens to me right. LoL. but at least even if this always happens, i am not as desperate as someone to the extent of going on a stupid blind date. and NO i don't want to go. if you want to go and meet, go by your own. i hate everything. everyone lies. guys are nothing but trouble. argh. they are just SO insensitive can. argh.
i hate you i hate you i hate you. fine. i am funing mad. to think that i should take out those posts? why should i? in short, just listen to tu ran lei le by jj. argh. is not like i really mei you ren yao loh. why am i going to this extent? rah!
i need huggies... anyone? LoL. if only i can call you. haiz. work work work. i tues go that time scold her for you. haha. =P see. i so nice.
haiz. i miss xiao cong. at least de cong is not like that. = ( why did i not treasure things. only to hold them tight after i lost them. sorry i didn't spend your birthday with you last year. i know it's too late to say this but just yar. at least let me just feel better.
lil notes to self: give your heart only when you know that it won't be broken. spend your birthday with the one you love. if he loves you that much, he will also spend his with you. if the guy knows you enough, he will know that whatever you say is the opposite of what you mean (except when you are REALLY serious about an issue). he will be able to hold me and say "this is the girl i like" and not push me or his friends away when he is with either his friends or me and happen to see the other party. he will understand me if he is serious. he will know that i will remember most of the things he say and whenever he does not mean or do them, i will be disappointed. he will know how i really feel. he will know that little actions will be taken note by me and i will appreciate every single of them. he will not only know but understand what i mean by romantic. he will spend time with me and not leave me alone when i really need support. he will be willing to share stuffs with me and not only me telling my problems. he will say ' i love you' and mean it. hopefully he knows when is white valentines.
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is work life really that bad? why is it that she is always bullying her? stay till 12mn? she is only 16. who will send her back? her mum has work tomorrow. can't auntie cut it tomorrow? why must nic finish it? what the. there is no sense right. she cut them all alone by herself. how to finish? think she God ah? is not fair for her loh. she is the only part time left. why just now don't let me do? siao ah. goodness. and now her mum is angry.
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