YSaturday, May 05, 2007
am i really to tell you how hurt i am? for how long have i cried? it's dumb. i'm just so dumb. jj says i should just like him and if his ex really finds me, ask him to do something about it. but he also said that even before we are in a relationship i am already like this so i should just let go. he is contradicting himself. jj, you are not helping. but i need you to help me get out. forget it. you broke up as well so fine. handle your problems first.
i am really lost. i kind of expected something like this to happen but yet i still cried. how useless can i get? argh. i hate myself. can't you just end everything? why did you even like me and tell me all that before you ended everything clearly? why give me hope? i'm shocked nic's judgement is wrong. i feel so tired. i want to drift away. i want to escape to a place where i won't have all these things. a place where there is only me and the stars. it feels so weird now. him and i are like so cold towards each other. i shall not use us because there was no US to begin with. all this time it is only a you and i. even though it is an AND, but the US still never existed. everything is just a dream. a dream that i have to awake from. it hurts. i hate being strong but because of you, i have to. i don't want you to feel bad, i don't want to hurt you. i feel so dead. when i close my eyes, i can literally feel myself floating. maybe i am supposed to be alone for the rest of my life. maybe this is my retribution for all the revenge that i have taken. it's ok. by monday i'll be fine. i will just have to bear with it. it will go away. i guess i rushed into things. i shouldn't have fallen for you. im sorry. i really am. if i didn't exist, you might not have broken up with her. then you might not be so hurt now. you might be happier and falling for her. sorry. i shouldn't have come into your life. sorry.
someone take me out of this place. take my hand, take me away and let me never return. i don't want to be hurt again. it's too late for me to forget. i have fallen for you.
tHeSe ScArS wiLL nEvEr hEaL. bLoOd dRiPpEd At